Fear Assignment Part 1: Expected Results

By the time it gets to me to conduct my experiment, I expect everyone to know the drill. They expect to be scared - or at least there will be an attempt to scare them. As I conduct my experiment, I expect many of the classmates will just be actively listening to what I say with their hand on their chin, nodding, sitting back with their arms crossed, doing something on their laptop. The outcome I hope I receive is that some people will experience anxiety, anger, maybe confusion.

:/

I feel bad about today's post but...Nothing really stood out for me yesterday. It was a good day and I liked hearing/seeing what every one did for the Taste the Sound of a Second assignment. And the bowed piano was pretty nifty, but other than that it was really just a regular day to me. Sorry : (

Sounds of a Symbol

Since I'm a visual/tactile person, I chose to do something with audio. Because of time constraints I don't feel I explored this assignment enough.
I downloaded this program called Virtual ANS.

You can draw or upload an image into the program and it will "play" the image based on its graphics.
The image I used is what I will use for my book cover. This is my personal symbol I created for myself.

© Frank Moussette 2014

I like the term Mono No Aware. It made me think about why the guy in the Rivers and Tides video was doing what he was doing. Maybe just to prove it could be done? That he could do it? I'm not sure. I assume he knew it wouldn't exist forever but he wanted to see it anyway. Part of creating something, to me, is getting that very initial "ah" moment or surprise. To see something you made exist into being. But I also feel that the longer something exists, like a piece of art , it almost immediately drops in the value of "ah-ness". Its permanent now. It's not going anywhere. So, it loses part of that elusiveness. When we make something we sometimes become anxious for its completion. I WANT to see this. Will I get this done? Will it ever be done? What if it falls apart? What if I don't like it in the end? For a moment, it becomes something so fragile, distant, and tender. But the second it is finished, that feeling leaves you. So to create something with the intent of it not being permanent...almost gives it an eternal elusiveness because it will only last for so long. So we try to treasure the moments it does exist. And by doing that, I feel he will always love the art he made and remember as a fond personal moment in time with that art.

Blasphemy

This week I wrote a story called "The Story of O". It's about a sort of origin theory/idea I've had for a while. It's a story I wrote to answer the question "Why did god create us?" "Why are we here?" For the tl;dr reader, the short story is: We are all fragments of a god who went through his own trials - battling with his shadow side. The compassionate, self-sacrificing side won and the shadow side was cast out. In order to ensure that every part of him was pure, he used body to explode the universe into existence. Every bit of matter was at one point part of God and every living thing, big or small, has a fragment of God's soul. But now we must go through our own trials - beating out our own shadow side, whether to do good or evil, be selfish or unselfish - just as God did. And little by little, all the good souls will slowly reform God.

Now, the god in this story isn't to be determined as male or female. I think its up to the reader to decide but for this instance I'm referring to the character as a male.

To me, this story breaks a big rule. It's blasphemous. But it speaks to me, I think it's a fun idea to play with, and almost makes more sense sometimes lol; Taking into account the whole big bang theory and the "supposedly" inevitable big crunch - when the universe contracts back into itself, and the age-old question: "Why are we here?".

Shit...

Watching the video of the people with metal pipes attached to them seemed so ridiculous. It felt like arbitrary bullshit and I wondered if the actors even knew what the piece was about or if they ever worried that they had wasted their time - having to keep a serious face. This seemed like the kind of show that didn't just explain the setting like normal theatre would have. But just immediately began with people scurrying around haphazardly. One man violently hits his metal "dick" against a metal frame. And then the post that we read describing the whole thing just felt like artsy b.s. that someone pulled out of their ass to try to sound deep or like the piece means so much more than it is. As if I'm to be convinced that paying X amount for a ticket to see a bunch of people flail around in crutches with metal rods attached to them is worth it. I got shit to do! For god's sake, a woman in her underwear was moving around on the stage only with the use of her arms and crutches - her legs remained stiff - while she maid unintelligible sounds with a microphone right in her mouth. What the fuck is this shit? A farce?

We had our laughs at the mess and made our jokes. But we watched the clip again. This time, with the perspective that this whole piece could be a rape scene. And suddenly everything changed. It was no longer funny. It got serious. As soon as you saw the actors, you instantly thought of the metal rods on them in arbitrary places as phallic. It just is what it is. You see someone eat a banana, 9 times out of 10 you're prooooobably giggling at yourself thinking they're goin' down/eating a banana dick. Hell, there was the guy I mentioned who was smacking his metal "dick" against a frame. But when we put on the lens of a rape scene over this, that woman didnt have just a microphone in her mouth anymore. And she wasn't moving around with only her arms and crutches. She was the rape victim trying to crawl away. And the metal dick violently being smacked against a mental frame became a metaphor for the rape itself. Every little thing that seemed so random made sense and had a purpose. It was no longer bullshit to me.

50 err...43 What Ifs...

What If…
1. I turn it into a scroll
2. I make a paper-mache mask out of the pages
3. I make paper airplanes out of it
4. I make origami from the pages
5. I make kirigami from the pages
6. I shoot holes into the book
7. I set it on fire for 10 minutes
8. I blow it up with firecrackers
9. I fill it up with stories I’ve written
10. I paint it
11. I spray paint it
12. I glew all the pages together and carve a secret compartment into it
13. I make it into a scroll and turn the rollers into secret compartments
14. I put my emblem on the front
15. I put my family crest on the front
16. I soak it in vinegar
17. I make papercraft from the pages
18. I create a single graphic/pattern using all the pages
19. I make a functional pop up lamp inside the book
20. I remove the covers and spine
21. I replace the covers and spine with metal
22. I put another book inside of it
23. I connect several books of the same dimensions together, cover to cover
24. I made it into a single scroll roll and there were tabs for each page you pulled that were wound up inside.
25. I blacked out certain words of a page to create a different sentence.
26. I cut pages in halves and glue them on other pages to create literary mashups
27. I cut a cubby in a certain shape (like a window) and glue cellophane between a few pages deep into the cut.
28. I put a book that’s been modified into a safe inside the other book.
29. I make it so you need an actual key to open the book.
30. I attach belts to it
31. I carve the book into the shape of my head/face.
32. I paint my face on the outside of the pages
33. I install an external hard drive inside the book and has a chord attached to it
34. I slash at the pages with a knife
35. I burn the book and mix the ashes with ink and use that ink in a different book
36. I cut out the art of Magic The Gathering cards and glue them onto the pages
37. I smash eggs inside the book
38. I run over the book with my car
39. I shit and piss in the book…no that’s fucking crazy 
39. I burn the book. Mix the ashes in some mayo. Make a turkey sandwhich with mayo. Eat the sandwhich. Make a little box frame with wood. Shit into the frame. Leave it for the rest of the semester. And literally have shit a brick...-book-sandwhich. …No that’s fucking crazy too 
39. I attack Christmas lights or led lights inside of it
40. I put metal plates on both sides of the cover. Put it on the stove. Try to cook an egg with it.
41. I paint all the pages white
42. I install a miniature display screen inside with a small keyboard and hard drive. Try to make a very small, book-like laptop…I’d probably never do that. Neat idea though.
43. I…do nothing with it?

Over on the other side

Over on the other side of the building at school there is a bunch of equipment available to students. We checked it out yesterday. I'm not sure what the technical term for it is, but we saw the "cave". Since this blog is really meant for people who are already familiar with the class/school/what's going on, I won't spend time explaining it. But it gave me some ideas about what i could possibly do with my book. I was interested in the idea of a virtual book. Or the book coming to life through the cave. I don't know how difficult it would be or if I'll actually do it, but I think it'd be neat to install a camera (if there isn't one already) that treated certain visuals in a book as it would a QR code. Or like what was shown by the touch table - 3D models overlayed onto the image shown on screen through the Ipad when its camera is focused on that particular graphic on the table. Somehting along the same lines but it changes the entire area around you in the cave. Or have it in some way so that certain pages from the actual book can be laid out on the table. Maybe the are transparent enough to shine light through and touch the table. That'd be neat to have a physical page on the table, drag a digital graphic and line it up with the physical graphic and a new image is revealed to the user.

I am

The person I am today is not the same person I was five years ago nor will this iteration be the same in the next five years.
My name is Frank Justin Moussette. I was born Frank Justin Jarrell. I am the only child between Shannon Jarrell and Danny Moussette. My parents weren't married until after I was born and later divorced when I was about 10. "Frank" is also my dad's first name and my Grandpa's first name. My birthday is March 15th, 1989 - The Ides of March. My classical zodiac sign is Pisces and my Chinese Zodiac is the snake. I have a tattoo of the Triforce on my right hand and the Pisces symbol on my right wrist. I have my mother's fun loving, goofy temperament, interest in art, and love for classic and alt rock like Zeppelin, Dave Mathews, Beatles, RHCP. From my dad, I have his looks, detail-oriented mindset, analytical skills, impatience and self-loathing. I consider myself a Christian, though I'm well aware that I don't live up to it. Like everyone, I have my own ideas and questions about it all and at times have my doubts. But I try to be a good person for what it's worth. I like to think I'm incredibly loyal and protective of my friends and loved ones. I consider myself to be the loyal watch dog-companion to my friends.
Around the age of 14 I learned that I wasn't born a Moussette. It was the first time I was faced with the question of who I am and why I'm here. I tried expressing this struggle through creative writing. If I was an accident, then I was unintended. If I was unintended, then I have no purpose. As I grew, I learned that almost everyone is an accident but it did not mean we were without purpose. I'm just not entirely sure what that purpose is for me. Sure, I can go with the religious POV and hope that I fulfill my part in the grand scheme of things but that just sounds likes bullshit and a cop-out. I feel I could answer why I am here in two different ways: On one hand, the only reason I'm in college is because my parents pushed it onto me and I'm still in Indiana because it was the only realistic option. I'm here to get the degree, so I can (hopefully) get a good job, so I can eventually be able to support a family, so I can grow old and finally die peacefully with the most toys. That's one way of looking at why I'm here. But, what I actually want from it all is on the other hand I feel. I want to express my thoughts and ideas. I want people to know I exist. I'd like to start my own business. I want to be a good father and husband (someday). I want to be remembered for doing something remarkable.

One of the things we will be doing in Seeing Sideways, is alter a book of our choosing so that it becomes a sort of altar to ones self. Last night, we were supposed to sleep with that book underneath our pillow. I've heard of doing such a thing before as a joke - You sleep with a book under your pillow and your mind absorbs its contents. But all I did last night was dream about trying to save David spade from his evil parents and then I got infuriated with the waiter... Huh? lol

This is going to be a short blog because I figure it was pretty cut and dry what stood out for me: When it came time to present our eggs in class - Beth pointed out that I focused too much on how unhappy/disappointed I was with mine because. I kept talking negatively about, but she expressed that she really liked it. I learned that by focusing so much on the bad and pointing it out - something that may otherwise be seen as good to anyone else, could be destroyed because of my own deconstructive analysis of my work.

Going into this assignment I had no idea what I wanted to do with my egg. Luckily for me, I had Tiff sitting right beside me - who began doodling almost immediately after I cracked my egg on the floor. Her doodles consisted of an egg becoming more and more cracked until a dragon hatched out of it. Now I'm not as into dragons as Tiff is, but it gave me the idea to replace the dragon with a phoenix instead. I had several ideas for how I would bring this phoenix to life but I ultimately settled on creating a Japanese origami crane. Unfortunately for me though, I've never made a crane before and there aren't too many places that sell origami paper (as far as I know). I tried making my cranes out of sketch paper because I wanted a thick, strong paper that I could later spray paint. Well...That didn't work out too well for me. They either came out too big for the egg or too sloppy because of the paper being used. Thank god for Tiff though; She had made dozens of origami cranes a long time ago and was kind enough to give me one of hers. All that was left was to spray paint it.

The word of the day was Synchronicity

Yesterday the instructor gave each of us an egg. She wanted us to do whatever we wanted with it as long as it was expressed/documented in a creative way. I thought nothing of it at first - figured I'd think of something when it came time - and just continued to listen to her and the classmates discuss about the doodles we presented. I didn't want to hold on to it or leave the egg on my desk for the duration of the class; constantly making sure it doesn't roll off the desk. So, I made a little "kangaroo" pouch for it with the bottom of my shirt and forgot about it. And then at some point during class I stretched my body, completely unaware of the egg now. My stretching unrolled the pouch and the egg fell right out. For a split second I thought I dropped my phone or something when I heard the "splat" on the carpet. Then the "Ahhh shit" moment came over me. My egg was busted right in front of my feet. What the hell am I gonna do with this thing now!? Not like I had any ideas to do with it anyway. But still - what am I gonna do with a broken egg. Thankfully, Olivia gave me her empty yogurt container to put the remains in. A little while after, I saw Tiff doodling in her notebook beside me. She had a series of small drawings with an egg completely intact and each doodle to the right of the last one had the egg progressively becoming more and more shattered. She must have been inspired by the little egg-splosion because it seemed like she started doodling immediately after I broke my egg. But what I found most fascinating about the class period was that her doodling gave me inspiration for what I'll do with that egg. In a way, my serendipitous negligence with the egg turned out to be a blessing in disguise. I don't want to give it away but it will involve...transformation and adaptability. Hopefully what I plan hasn't been done too many times, but I mean...It's kind of a typical thing to do with a broken egg. Especially when this class is meant to evolve oneself.

Polly Wolly Doodle

For this post, my instructor wanted us to explore doodling and how it improves creativity and retention of topics if one were to listen while doodling. In class we discussed the 4 S's that are involved in the creative process: Serendipity, Synchronicity, Spontaneity, and Surrender. our assignment was to think about the 4 S's while doodling and to watch the videos the instructor had posted on her own blog.
I agree that doodling can be beneficial, I don't feel like I was really spontaneous or surrendered to just...the flow of things. Whenever I start doodling I always revert to drawing swirls, circles, abstract shapes, designs, patterns. It's just what comes to mind and I go with that usually. Also, I kind of feel like the actual act of doodling itself comes on spontaneously. This felt a little forced. I don't think I was able to really surrender to the drawing because my goal was the drawing.